“I Was Invited..."

“I Was Invited To Attend a Masquerade...”

"…For those who wished to attend,
There were no rules to this game:
You may talk, you may ask,
You may lie or pretend,

You may sit or recline,
You may claim you know the Truth,
You may kiss, you may touch,
Be polite, inert or rude…

You may cheat, you may hurt,
You may slap someone’s face,
Others, by rule, could do the same –
Fools and fooled, we’re all in the game…

Each one of us is different under the Mask:
Vicious or shy, vulgar or kind…
Wearing masks makes us alike,
Rules are rules. At all times.

I said there were no rules,
Yet there was one:
If one has recognized the Mask,
They both must be gone…

Like Adam and Eve,
The two are dismissed without delay
From the strangest of Edens,
Bigger than life Masquerade….
*******************
Some fifty or so years ago
I was invited to attend
A Masquerade…
I love and I hate the Game…"
November 23, 2008

“Ambiance Divine”

“Ambiance Divine”

Late November gave a little present:
One dreamy, lazy sunny day…
Sparrows’ seem warm and happy,
Enjoying their baths in sand.

Heaps of leaves are covering the grounds;
Tranquility is Nature’s menu for today:
Warmed by the Sun all is settled down,
Except for one leaf gliding in the air…

As if unseen fingers picked just one,
One of a million withered brothers,
Leaving them mute and stunned,
It …giggles and rises higher.

As if invisible lips breathed out,
Lifting one fortunate leaf,
To let it fly once more, one final round,
Before becoming wet and crippled…
**************************
Oftentimes, blown from nowhere,
We feel our Destiny’s touch:
“Behold! Do you see that flare?”
“Go on! It’s your turn to …fly!!”
November 28, 2008

“Heart in My Hand”

“Heart in My Hand” - to be recorded tomorrow...

“The entire world I would hate,
If that’s the price of your love I have to pay…”
(Mikhail Lermontov)

The emptiness appeared so vast,
As vast as November skies,
As heavy as thunderous clouds
That filled my Soul and poisoned my heart…

I wanted to cry to rid my heart of sadness,
I’ve tried but tears wouldn’t come…
No words, no news only madness –
Gloom has rooted deeply in my heart…

I wish I could hold my heart in my hand,
To comfort, to sooth with warm tears,
To whisper, “Don’t hurt, please be brave…
You aren’t alone… Do not fear…”

My heart is now beating slower,
Still choking on my tears, then replied,
“If you care for me just a little,
Please don’t ever fall in love….”
*************************
Never again I would betray my heart,
If I’m to find love, my heart will play no part…
November 23, 2008

“Do We Really Want..."

“Do We Really Want Time to Stop?”

I wanted Time to stop or disappear,
To feel once more the sweetest of pains…
Departure time is unavoidable and near
Goodbye, sweet love, until we meet again…

Time hasn’t stopped, it kept on flowing...
It showed neither mercy nor disgust,
It’s mute and deaf to my sincere pleading,
My present has become my past before my eyes...

Cheerless wisdom of rare rendezvous
Is that we aren’t drained, only hungered for more,
Unfinished story will go on forevermore,
We’ll love again, much harder than before…

Seeing an empty bed brings tears to my face,
Unfinished kisses, hugs, caresses,
Gentle words are sweeter from far away,
Short time we spent is double precious…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Time didn’t stop ignoring my plea –
It ran its natural and frigid pace…
It would be possible, I guess, for Time to end
If Time itself could meet its own Death…
November 10, 2008

“Messages”

“Angels’ Messages”

I have plenty of tears to spare
If it helps to ease your pain...
I have compassion I don’t mind to share,
Just let me know if it’s needed and when...

You can count on me though a stranger –
‘Tis easy to confess to ones you’ve never met…
I am only a vessel, a messenger,
I’ll tell you what your angel asked me to relay...

I can chat all I want, catching your attention,
You may find me bothersome, strange…
My pride is not wounded, just hear the message
Your guardian Angel has sent.
August 29, 2008

“White Flocks of Angels..."

“White Flocks of Angels Beyond Heavy Clouds…”

Heavy grayness above, deep despair,
Weighty thoughts and distressing dreams…
Tiny windows of blue – here and there,
Sweet reminders of a recent gleam…

I closed my eyes, hold back my tears…
I soar beyond heavy layers –
High and above, into the heavens,
Into the dreamland that’s never gray…

Far beyond the frigid pressure,
Even though in my mind’s eyes,
I see white flocks of angels…
They don’t talk, you know, they smile…

My eyes are shut, yet I see so clear,
Pretending I am one of them,
My body feels light in the air
As if for me those wings were made…

It is time to leave, to fly back,
Diving through the thickness below…
They’re still smiling at me, my flock,
Only one did cry… I know…
October 4, 2008

“Nostalgia”

“Nostalgia”

It rains for four consecutive days –
Drowning plants and my thoughts,
It comes in humid, suffocating waves,
It stops for a moment and again returns…

Nostalgia… The saddest of seasons,
When Nature’s blooming term’s expired…
One couldn’t help but witness
That everything alive is slowly dying…

Fragrant world gives its place to decay,
An abundance of colors’ become one:
All rusty-brown or dirty-grey
Would stay for many months to come…

Melancholy, tears, drops of rain
Leaving streaming scars across my face…
I mourn every flower that dies in pain…
Today I mourn. Tomorrow I’ll be brave…
***************************
Should one be sad, call it a defeat? –
One had his term. The cycle is complete…
September 28, 2008

“White Feathers”

“White Feathers”

Before first signs of dawn appeared,
Before first rays of sun would lick the drapes,
I'm watching you asleep, so near,
Curled softly in my arms yet, far away...

You whisper and smile in your sleep...
While I am deciphering your mumbles
And stroking gently your eyes and cheek,
I’ve noticed white feathers on your pillow...

First beam of sun is crawling slowly –
First – on the floor, then climbs into a bed,
With every instant, closer and closer,
In a moment it would kiss your face...

Only then I could see that feathers
Are budding softly from your naked back…
That’s who you are, a gift from Heavens,
My weary Angel has taken a nap…
September 24, 2008

“Love Doesn’t Like....”

“Love Doesn’t Like To Be Questioned...”

Don’t ever question my Love –
She’s a fragile and delicate creature…
She’s loyal when trusted and loved,
When she has recognized her equal…

Do not question what’s already yours,
Don’t look saddened avoiding my stare –
My Love is for you to have and to hold,
True Love is only true when it is shared…

Do not question, do not suspect –
Love is drained and outworn,
She is crippled, desolated
When jealousy is born…
**************************
Love’s only duty is to love,
Enjoy its sweetest taste and smell,
Love is a blessing, treasure while it’s last –
What future holds - who can foretell?…
September 7, 2008

“Farewell…”

“Farewell, Dear Friend…”

I can’t make you happy and feeling fine,
I offered my hand and yours – was denied…
I can’t make you pleased or smile,
When smiling is the last thing on your mind…

I can only say, “Farewell, dear friend,
May happiness find you soon…
Be annoyed as often as you can,
Not with me this time, with …yourself.”

One could try and fail while trying,
One could gather one’s wits and go on…
Some are blessed with remorse and crying,
Some are simply never wrong…

Ask yourself every now and then,
After that, answer your question,
“Am I wrong? – I think I am,
I’m admitting my own faults…”
**************************
It is impossible to make one satisfied,
True Happiness is a state of mind…
September 5, 2008

“As We Sow…..”

“As You Sow, So Shall You Reap…”

***************“As you sow, so shall you reap…”
(Paramhansa Yogananda)

As ugliness highlights the beauty,
As hatred underlines the love,
Every obsession and every condition
Has its ultimate purpose in life…

Problems, unpleasant situations,
Whether we avoid them or not,
Are a constant part of our existence,
No matter how cautious we are…

I wish I were a grossmeister at chess
To be able to see three steps ahead…
This quality, sadly, so few possess,
Let us deal with what we have…

Our patience will always be tested,
Our wisdom will be questioned at times…
One shouldn’t try to be perfect,
For the balance’ sake, let us be bad sometimes…
************************
Good or evil, happiness or grief –
Make our lives merely …complete…
Just bear in mind one important thing:
“As you sow, so shall you reap…”
August 23, 2008

“How Could One Trick…”

“How Could One Trick the Time…”

With every ticking of the clock,
With every passing cloud,
With every drop of rain
That gently hits the ground,

With every inhale or exhale
With every touch or grasp,
With every word we say,
With every night that passed,

With every second, minute, week,
With every beginning or finish,
With every hope, every wish,
With every frown or grin,

With every loss and every find,
With every joy we cherish,
We’re getting closer to a boring end:
Everything that lives must perish…
****************************
How prosaic, how banal,
That doesn’t make sense at all!
My question is not “how come” or “why”,
But rather how could one trick the Time…

August 14, 2008 Midnight

“To Love and to Gentle Souls” August 13, 2008

"Silence, Inspiration...."

"Silence, Inspiration & I"

Silence is in my house,
A total Silence…
Even my never quiet cat
Is silent…
No sound of any nature,
Other than rare whispers
Between the pages and my fingers:
Silence is visiting.

We do not gossip, we rarely talk,
We like to read, lots of chocolates,
We also like to smoke.
We never argue when together,
Always calm and merry,
If we’re lucky with the weather,
Dreamy, misty, rainy—
We feel revived and stimulated.

Today is a special occasion,
We’ve got a rare companion,
A capricious Inspiration,
A godly, yet moody acquaintance.
*******************************
Three of us would get to work
Without wasting minutes,
There is no time to greet or talk—
We’re gathered to conceive
A Poem.
July - August 2001

“Guided Meditation”

“Guided Meditation” July 25, 2008

Take a breath,
Look in my eyes –
Swim in its depth,
Fly in its skies…

Follow my voice,
I’m guiding you through,
Clear your thoughts,
Be born anew…

You are easy and calm
I am kind and sincere…
Rise up with me
To the skies that are clear.

Touch fluffy clouds,
Inhale its glow…
Breathe in silence,
Breathe out your thoughts…

Your heart is unlocked,
Breathe in peace…
Clear your mind,
Breathe out fatigue…

Allow your mind to settle
On moments of calm and peace
The Divine is everywhere
Feel with your heart this bliss…

"There Are Things That Make Me Blissful..."

"A Dream"

“A Magnolia Dream” July 22, 2008

I have dreamt and it was surreal,
Dreams are rarely come to me,
I remember you standing near
And I talked to you in my dream:

“Do you see that magnolia tree,
Dressed in foamy pink and white? –
How strange to see it’s blooming
Not in April but in July…”

Letting this beauty to bloom anew,
The nature’s surely mistaken,
Just as my Love that has arrived and grew
Within my heart that was forsaken…

You’ve construed a different meaning:
"Yes, Love was beautiful in July,
But it will truly bloom in April,
Let us wait. Love always takes time…"
*************************
I treasure things which aren’t common,
Unexpected, not easy to find –
Whether it’s Love or magnolia’s flower,
Both are precious and one-of-a-kind…
July 22, 2008

“A Miracle” July 16, 2008

“A Miracle” or "Dead Lily"

Cut-off by one uncaring hand
And lying in the sun
There was this living lily plant
With one unopened bud...

Her body is silent, I think she’s dead,
Her heart skips beats and shy…
“What should I do with you? - I said,
She answered, “Let me die”…
****************************
I placed her in water and left for a while
When I returned, what a delight! –
She waved at me her sweetest smile,
She was clad in yellow and white…

“The Death has to wait, my gentle being,
It wasn’t your time to die,
Share your beauty, no matter how fleeting,
Share your splendor and smile!”
July 15, 2008

“Wingless Angel”

“Wingless Angel”

You said she wore a dirty dress,
Her hands were unclean and coarse,
She was either lost or depressed,
Her fingers couldn’t move to make a cross…

You instantly knew who she was,
Something that makes one convinced:
Pure and light, and not from this world,
An Angel without her wings…

She was talking to all who would listen…
Sadly, more often than not,
People thought she’s mad or crazy
When she said she has met the true God.

She said, “The Ultimate Truth to know
Is finding your Love and letting it grow,
The Paradise, she said, is within that Love,
If you have found Love, you’d find God…”

She looked around with regret
As people didn’t seem to understand…
She's stretched in blessing her hand,
“Goodbye”, she said, “and don’t forget…”
**********************
Being clean would never make one pure,
Pretty hands may harm beyond repair…
Curly hair, smile, white tunic -
Not always constitute a Cherub…
July 12, 2008

"The Night Goddess"

"Good Night"

“Buona Notte Mio Amore Grande”

Good night, my tender love,
Good night, my fleeting apparition,
You came in my life at night,
My charming and gentle magician…

I say not “farewell”, just “good night”,
As if we would meet next day…
Sweetest lips are saying no lies,
I can’t leave my love in dismay…

I will cherish forever your image,
Your face, your giggles, your tears...
Good night to your tender lips,
Good night to the sweetest of kisses...

Good night to your caring hands
And most gentle of touches.
Good night, till we meet again
In my dreams the following night…

I am caressing your sleepy face,
Aware that the dawn is near…
I say “good night” and never “farewell”,
When dreams are gone you too will disappear…
July 10, 2008

"How Much Can I Promise..."

“Dying Within a Dream”

"Am I Unhappy?"

"Blindness”

“Destiny is in Generous Mood” June 17, 2008

***To Roberto

We will meet in the dark of night,
With no moon or the star in the sky…
Let our hands to meet their prize,
Let us trick our own eyes…

It is my never-ending bliss –
Letting my heart to soar and to dive...
To touch you, to taste your lips
For the first time since …tonight!

I am drained from making love,
You’re weary and exhausted…
Yet both of us wouldn’t stop,
We’re drunk to death from this Worship!

“One more kiss, one more touch and then
We would sleep, my love, I promise…” –
Seconds later you start all over again –
We lie, and we both know it!!!
*******************************
I have placed my heart in your chest,
I am taking yours for safekeeping,
Perfect time, my love, perfect match –
My Destiny is in the mood for …giving…
June 14, 2008

“Something Is Wrong With Time”

The length of a minute or a day
Hasn’t change, it’s still the same,
Yet the wheels of our Fate
Seemed to forget to rotate!

Is it my heart or my head
That is trying to speed things up?
Or the two of the silliest Cupids
Are holding back the hands of a clock?

Does our love being tested,
Or the Fate is making sure
That the two of us utterly ready,
Not one minute late, not one second sooner...
June 13, 2008

"An Agreement with Loneliness"

"My Soul Has Left Me..."

"When the Love is Gone..."

“When the Love is gone…”

When the Love is gone,
When your heart is in pain,
The daylight turns into dusk,
Little tears are triggering rain…

No colors except color grey,
The beauty of life is gone…
And ever present pain
Feasts on your wounded pride…

My Soul, I am sorry for your aches,
I will cry for you, my angel,
I know, you will be strong one day
You and I will fall in love again…
June 8, 2008

“For Natalie” by Paul Gallagher

Tonight,
When time meanders past your hour eleven
Your mind snapping pictures of dreams made in heaven.
Allow your soul to vacate your space
And when in the stars above, I will see your face.

For behold! ...on this night my heart has wings
Joyous ascension to where this angel sings.
Those tears you speak of, now tears of joy,
Two souls, hand in hand, together do toy.

Although darkness may invade eyes closed tight
Souls dance and sing throughout the night.
Now morning reveals it’s splendour glory
A spiritual embrace to grace her story.

This heavenly transcendence always within reach
More nights, more journeys, on this beautiful beach.
So dreams for you can come true, fair maiden afar
Open your heart, for there’s a soul out there, your very own star.

June 2008

“Enchantment”

I am enchanted as if in a dream:
I am half-asleep half-awake,
White sheets are in heaps all over my bed,
I want to see your face and …I can’t…

I see your silhouette at dusk –
I could barely make up your image,
I could smell your body’s musk,
This makes me high and dizzy…

I feel your hands, gentle and strong,
Shaking, caressing my hair and face…
I am trying to recall that stroke,
Digging deep in my mind and …I can’t…

My thoughts, my fantasies, my life
Are orbiting this blurry image in the dusk
For many days, and weeks, and months….
You are my Fate, my newly-found love…
June 2, 2008

"How I met an Angel"

*******************On Y.R.'s Birthday
My dearest, sweetest, warmest,
Do you remember how we met -
Two desperate, wounded souls,
Longing for love, yet.
******************************
Countless roses are soaked in water,
Two of us by the tub, on the floor
Watching them slowly floating -
Blooming redness, magnificent glow...
******************************
I do thank you for being my angel,
If someone would ever ask
If I believe in angels, I’d answer:
I've met one.
Once......
March 1, 2000

“Blindness”

***To Eastern Ancient Poets
“Please ignore, disregard
And forget
Every word
I recently said –
The desire for Love
Is talking,
Blind desire
Is helplessly walking...
Searching,
Asking,
Demanding,
Pretending she found,
Only pretending,
Catching your arm
And commanding:
“I am your Love,
Look in my eyes,
Taste of my kisses
And ...recognize.”
August 15, 2000

“I Am Looking for Her Dark Hair…”

*****************To Natalie by R.T.
I am looking for her dark hair,
I find no peace, without eyes I see…
I wrote her name on forgotten walls,
But came the rain and washed it away…

I am rich for having her soul,
Imagining her dance around the fire of love…
I am poor because she is not here now
I wait for her... my ray of sun…

“My Soul Has Left Me”

*************To R.T.
My Soul,
A capricious little creature,
She is always kind and sweet,
She possess’ the best of features,
She is gentle and petite.

She is emotional every so often,
Yet logical, honest and fair.
She would never refuse to help
Or walk away on souls in despair.

Being so obedient and thoughtful,
I’d never thought she would be gone away,
Yet gone she is without leaving a note
She’s vanished for the past few days…

She said she has found her equal,
That he was kind and easy,
But first and foremost, he’s gentle,
As gentle as morning breeze…

She said she’s gone to meet him,
Would be back in a blink of an eye…
She is gone the entire week,
My Soul, gentle and kind…

Where she is and who she is with,
I guess, I would never known…
***************************
Thinking of other misfortunate owner
Who just recently lost his Soul…
May 9, 2008

"My Uncle’s Lesson"

When I was a little girl,
My uncle, God bless his soul,
Knowing my timid nature,
Used to teach me over and over
The same lesson.
He used to say:
“Look in the mirror, Your Grace,
Say to yourself with a smile:
“I am the most charming and pretty,
Elegant, witty and kind”,
“Watch your eyes”, he said, “your reflection,
You’re a perfect perfection!”
I forgot his teachings
For most of my life,
Being young and pretty —
Who would needed to recite
Half-compliment, half-lie!
And, as I am getting old,
Those lines
Were suddenly recalled.
*********************
I’m still smiling when I say these lines
While watching my expression in the mirror
It’s amazing, this innocent lie
Continues to work its miracle!!!

“Ego Te Amo Per Noctum Per Diem”

R.:
“Ego te amo per noctum per diem,
After waking up at night
My first thought is of you, my gentle soul,
I want you near till the end of time...

I’ll be writing the letters of love
Each night, that with every sunrise
You would read confessions of my heart –
My prize would be your gentle smile...”

N.:
“I’d take you to the mountains at night
To listen sighs of trees and flowers,
To watch gleaming stars wrapped in velvet of skies
Where the nightingales are singing of love.

Our summer bed would be this gentle grass,
Our curtains are spruces’ boughs,
I’d make love to you under these stars,
You’d say, “this woman has stolen my soul…”

I would say, “I can’t help it, my treasure,
I have lived without love for so long…
I want to sin with you right now and ever,
God would sure forgive us. Both!”
May 8, 2008

“To Love and to Gentle Souls”

My Soul’s wandering all day today…
She didn’t talk at all, she didn’t dream…
I asked “What’s wrong”- she wouldn’t say,
I know her well, I think, she’s falling ill.

No food, no sleep, no writing,
Just pacing in the back alone…
No dreams, no fantasizing…
My heart is worried for his Soul.

I shouted at her, she started to moan,
Uncontrollable tears are falling …
“Let her cry”, I said to myself,
"Tears are cleansing souls."

I touched her and looked in her eye,
Searching for hidden answers…
She looked through her tears and then replied:
“Don’t you see, I am dying from ...love!...”
May 6, 2008

“It is raining…”

It’s raining and I am not a water lily…
My Soul wants to fly beyond the clouds
Estas Tonne’s guitar is crying in my ear…
I wish to disappear in the mist.

I wish to vanish in grayness of rain,
To become a tree or a leaf or a flower…
Instead, I have become a tear,
It’s running slowly, leaving a watery scar…

I miss your inspiring presence,
My soul’s looking for her mate
She misses your nightly caresses…
She is lost in grayness of rain.
May 3, 2008

“Your tears” By R. T.

Your tears are the pearls of light,
A gift to all who could fly higher.
Your soul doesn't need my touch -
I am in every tear drop you cry.

I won't leave you alone in the rain
I'll keep you warm and hold you tight...
Your gentle smile appeared to me,
You’re not a tree, a leaf or a flower.
You are a rainbow, full of colors,
Shining in the dark of night.
I'll touch your hand and I'll say
I'm not here for a day but I'm forever.”

**********Natalie wrote:
"If I am your Rainbow,
You are my gentle cloud
To lean upon, to giggle in your ear,
To kiss your tender cheek,
To tease your, sparely, my dear!

Summer’s rainbow is a rare sight,
I am craving Cloud’s attention…
*******************
Don’t forget to notice next time,
How Cloud caresses his Rainbow."
May 3, 2008

“First Morning Together”

R.:
I am pressing my lips against your closed eyes,
I hold you close to feel the beating of your heart,
I am hugging you gently from behind,
Kissing your neck while brushing your hair.

You are taking my both hands,
Holding them without saying words…
I’ve read in your eyes what you didn’t say,
You don’t want me to leave anymore…

N.:
My heart gave away clandestine thoughts:
I am happy you found me, dearest …
I feel safe when I feel your caresses,
I love the way you brush my hair…
May 5, 2007

“Fountain of the Soul”

R.:
I will keep your precious gift
In the deepest part of my soul
That no one could harm or steal,
Your beauty is mine to behold…

You are the water to satisfy my thirst,
You are the fountain of my lips…
You are the keeper of my sword –
You may save me or ...kill.

N.:
Cuore mio,
If ever I’d use that blade
I’d take poison a minute later...
Our lifeless bodies would lie
In an old crypt of Verona –
We were together in Life,
Forever together in Death…

Your fountain of love
Should never be concealed
Keep it in the open, my heart,
For all to admire and to see…
*********************
The world is a better place
By seeing more beauty and grace.
May 4, 2008

“Dante Alighieri and Beatrice”

You are my Signore Alighieri,
I am your Bice Portinari,
I will keep you in my heart forever
Until I close my eyes for the final time…

When we met on the bridge in Florence
I said “Bongiorno, Signore Alighieri”
I have planted my love in your heart,
You’ve accepted and let it grow…

You taught the world about true Love,
Its patience, purity, desires…
I know, I’ve watched you from above,
And stayed with you through all your troubles…

I couldn’t protect you from the evil,
Yet, I was with you each night in every dream –
From the day we met in Ponte Vecchio
Until you were buried in Ravenna…


“Siete il mio Signore Alighieri,
Sono la vostra Bice Portinari,
Vi manterrò nel mio cuore
Fino a che non chiuda i miei occhi
Su questo mondo
Per ultima volta…”

"Siete arrivata come regalo inaspettato
Tanto che non ero pronto a riceverti
Uno schiantarsi di luce fragile e chiara
Un cesto colmo di colori di cielo ammantato..."
May 4, 2008

"An Agreement"

I made an agreement
A while back
With Loneliness
That drives some people mad:
She’s free to come to visit
Any day or time,
My door is always open,
So is my mind;
She’s free to be around,
Evening, day or night
As long as she wouldn’t
Corrupt my mind,
She has to be quiet,
And know her place,
Be patient and calm
Sharing my space.
She must to behave
And act like a friend:
Respect my rules,
Respect my game.
**********
When you are not
In the position
To choose or change –
Except circumstances with
Dignity,
And then ...dictate!

November 2, 2001

“A Tribute to Friendship”

I think friendship, like any connection between the two human beings, is a commitment; it has to be equal and mutually pleasant. Like any bond, friendship is about sharing and not about taking without giving something in return…

Aristotle:
“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies”

Dinah Maria Mulock Craik, British poet, XIX century:
“Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away.”

“Wondering Psyche”

The moon is a round piece of gold,
The skies are velvet underneath,
The air is crispy and cold –
Too cold to dream, too cold to breath.
Yet, perfect to counting stars,
Perfect for minds to wander,
Flying away and far
Into the Universe’ winter.

"Too cold", -- whispers my Soul,
“It's time to return,
Back to Earth, to a dying fireplace,
To take a familiar human form,
To recognize familiar space.”
* * *
My mind, half asleep, half awake,
Half-recognizing familiar space
Would search for stars and moons again
In the Universe of my fireplace...

January 3, 2001

Personal Daily Horoscopes

“Once Again”
Everything is known to the Stars:
My past, my future, current thoughts…
To something that is made of dust,
How could one trust?

I’ve trusted someone once again,
I could be once again betrayed,
I will not know it unless I take a chance…
I’ve got to be intuitive and brave.

Peacemaking between what I love
And what I want is always a battle,
Today however, I don’t mind it at all,
Whether I win or be toppled.

“Whatever”
I know, every day cannot be great
To everyone’s pleasure and taste,
If it was, one couldn’t appreciate that…
I’m writing this one off - to experience!!

I won’t get angry over matters
I cannot control,
My mantra for today will be “whatever”,
“I want no part of it at all”!
*******
Tomorrow’s another day,
I want to make it very clear:
We know each other quite long,
I think I’m interested, my dear…

“Me, Magnet?”
I am a veritable magnet at the moment –
Magnets attract all sorts of things,
I’ve got to be certain (for that fact alone!)
I don’t attract something I don’t intend to keep.

“An Invitation”
Just as I thought I’d get some rest
A certain someone sent an invitation…
I think I’ll accept it and go ahead –
I’ll get enough of sleep when I am dead!

It’s all about my looks and its impact:
If I am satisfied with looks, I’m feeling fine,
If I feel fine, it influence my act!
My body was and is my sacred shrine.

“Your image encountered…”

"To One NYC Artist"

Your image encountered so briefly,
It didn’t stay in my memory’s eyes…
Who are you, stranger, please tell me –
An actor or a jester in disguise?

What makes you happy?
What drives you mad?
Would you let into your heart
A brand new friend?

Not remembering you at all,
I made my own sketch in my mind
Based on your words, the sound of voice,
Here’s your portrait, gentle and kind:

Your fingers are thin and cold
Yet, strong and demanding,
Your eyes could see into one’s soul,
Kind but commanding.

I’ve sensed you are soft and unsure,
Delicate yet determined…
Your body is frail, your mind is pure,
You’re wanted by all and …misinterpreted…
March 5, 2008

“There are things…”

There are things that make me blissful:
Gentle weather, soaring skies,
Early spring’s delicate whispers,
Warm evenings, starry nights.

When people are pleasant,
When the moods are right,
New friends are not pretenders,
Not showy, but warm and kind.

When everything goes as planned –
All trains and buses are on time,
Pilots are handsome, drivers are pleasant,
No thunderstorms before the flight.

When people are a bit old-fashioned –
Trustful, simple and try to oblige,
When men are protective and gentle,
And wives are as sweet as home-made fudge!
Feb. 9, 2008

"Daily Horoscopes"

“Not For Me to Have”

I am trying to put my finger
On something that doesn't want to stay put,
Like a child catching a pigeon –
Seems so near, yet out of reach.
****
The bird doesn't seem aware
As I reach out my hand to grab,
The pigeon takes off in the air –
Not for me to have. Not this time…

“Wearing my Heart on My Sleeve”

Today I’ll wear my heart on my sleeve,
Revealing soft underbelly to all –
For friends and enemies to see
My soreness, puzzlement or joy.

I hate to be exposed to the crowd,
Yet, it’s essential to sort things through:
All foes – to be weeded out
The truest of friends – I’ll keep.
*****
I don’t know if am happy or ready,
There is more for today from the stars!
To invite you to dinner, my dearest,
Or spend the evening with you in the tub!!!

“Imaginary Lover”

You are not what I have imagined,
But here you are - ready and willing to love;
I’ll erase from my head all sketches,
I will love you for who you are.


“Domestic Bliss”

Domestic bliss turns out not to be so blissful,
As though my energy had been caged up.
The day ahead, I pray, would reinstate my spirit –
So tired of pacing in my newest trap.

The gates, I pray, would open wide tomorrow
Enabling me to control my nerves,
Letting in sunrise and love, and hope,
Suspending battles with …myself!

Sparrows – Observations

I feed sparrows 3 to 4 times each day on weekdays for three years now. These are my independent observations.

To an average onlooker sparrows may have look like one grey, faceless flock of …birds. Most of my co-workers don’t have an idea what these birds are called. If I would call sparrows “robins” or “finches” they (average onlookers) wouldn’t even try to question my knowledge!! Most people I know can only be certain that these birds are NOT pigeons! Growing up in European countries, I have always known names of local birds as well as plants, garden flowers and trees.

Color and Size. The female sparrows are more grayish and evenly-colored; the males have deeper colors with an addition of dark brown and black. Males are easily recognized by black collar around their necks. Girls are being girls (!) - I found them prettier and even cute. Males have more serious, somber looks! In terms of size, I would say they are about the same. Even when females are with eggs, it is undetectable. Unless they stay in their nests the entire pregnancy!

Feeding. I feed them mostly with plain (supermarket) bread. I have tried to feed them assorted seeds but the sparrows have very little or no interest in it. In terms of feeding manners, sparrows almost never fight: they have tendency to take/confiscate from others as if “others’” piece of bread is tastier (“grass is always greener…”) They let others to take from them without protesting. Thinking of exceptions, I’ve noticed that during mating season, birds get very agitated and frantic and may start skirmish easily, but it is not common during other seasons. In fact, during brutal winter weather, birds stay close to each other; when there is food they make enough noise to call for other birds to join and to share. Another example of aggressive behavior while feeding is when youngsters do get introduced to “communal” feeding grounds. They usually approach food in rather charging manner and make aggressive noises – scare tactics? As they get more mature, they follow general rule of sharing and acceptable behavior.

Nesting. In my observation, only males are involved in nest-building. However, I would call them lazy “builders” as they get easily distracted when they see me and …food! Whatever “building materials” they were carrying in their mouths, i.e. feathers, pieces of paper towel, dry grass, etc., they drop it and after brief feeding often forget about their duties.
I am not sure that sparrows really “build” their nests: most likely they try to improve/make livable any hole or crack they could find. During dry and cold weather I noticed them hiding on the ground in heaps of dry leaves.

Mating. Starting in February though April there are noticeable differences in sparrows’ behavior: they get very agitated, aggressive and nervous. During this period even their facial expression (!) is different: withdrawn, exhausted, suspicious etc.
Not all but most of males are involved in courting rituals. They dance with such dedication and persistence that is …enviable to me!! Male lowers and stretches his wings that they almost touch the ground. In that position he is hopping in front of his “girl” for hours, absolutely certain that he is irresistible in that pose! I can only imagine how very exhausting and muscle-straining this courtship could be! I have a feeling that older males are more skillful in this sort of dance.

Injuries. I have mistakenly thought that males are more aggressive than females during mating period. Not at all!! Females defend their rights/virginity (!) with unimaginable bravery and fight just as hard!!! I did observe that during this period birds are often get injured. Most disturbing injury is when they get their eyes put out. I noticed only females with this type of injury. Most likely they get injured by males’ beaks during mating. The eye is closed, looks hollow underneath the eyelid and tearing heavily. I assume they get blind in injured eye however, after the mating season is over I haven’t seen birds blinded in one eye. Whether they die or recover, I wouldn’t know.

A couple of days ago I was watching one female sparrow that couldn’t stand on her feet as if she was partially paralyzed. She could barely fly, couldn’t land easily. While on the ground, her body was tilting to her left side; she was having difficulties keeping her balance and was basically sitting on her belly… I was trying to pick her up but she wouldn’t let me near. I was throwing pieces of bread close to her and she ate. I watched her a few times during the same day but didn’t see her the following day. I would assume that her thigh was injured but couldn’t have closer look.

When I watch two birds fighting, I have noticed that they use their beaks and feet and those are most dangerous weapons! It reminded me of (animated) dinosaurs’ fight!!
Sparrows’ beaks and claws are very strong and sharp. I think this is how my sparrow-girl’s thigh was injured.

When the bird is sick, it is not translated in their facial expression, however, their body language says “I am not well” or “I think I am dying”... They blink a lot and their blinks are long. Yet no matter how sick they might have been, they rarely lose their appetite. I have noticed that the sick ones are always left alone.

Babies. In June - July first baby-sparrows make their first flights or should I say, their first fall. They don’t actually fly, they throw themselves from their nests, catching waves and, may God help them!... For many of them their first landing would be their last one… Some baby birds are falling out from their nests too soon and are too weak to maneuver. For homeless straight cats it is indeed feasting period.

Parenting. Whether mothers or fathers are better parents, I could only make my assumptions by watching them during feeding. Babies could be easily recognized by their cute oversized yellow mouths. They hopping and flopping their wings frantically, demanding food from whoever is nearby! Most responsive to their demands are, as strange as it may sounds, males! They stuff babies’ mouths with crumbs/pieces of bread whether it is their baby or neighbor’s! Sometimes, they feed them with pieces that are too big and make little sparrows choke. I don’t think males are worried too much about that, as long as baby keeps its mouth shut for awhile!

Personal Hygiene. Like all birds, sparrows do have fleas and probably other parasites. Just like chickens, sparrows like sand/dirt-bathing. But during cold seasons when the ground is wet and dirty, I’ve watched them bathing in our little park’s custom-made waterfall. The temperature is rather cold, yet they don’t mind! Most likely itchiness from fleas gets unbearable.

Visual memory. When I go out for a smoke during the day, it usually takes less than 2 seconds for “my flock” to “recognize” me! – If one sees me, it immediately sends a signal to all of them, wherever they are. There are other people go out for a smoke or simply standing in front of the building during the day. Yet “my” sparrows don’t approach them, don’t consider “them” as the source of food.

There is a small park that separates the Nursing Home from the residential area. Many times, especially in the winter, I was greeted by my birds hundreds of feet away from the Home/feeding spot; many times they were following me when I was walking away from the building when taking my lunch breaks. I don’t know what their visual memory or sense of smell like, but I do know they unmistakably recognize the “source of food” very well!

Look closer at sparrows or any birds for that matter! At first, their faces all look alike! As you get used to them, you couldn’t help noticing they are …different. Just like human faces, some are pretty, some are shy, some – serious, some are friendly, some are grumpy, some are little “brave hearts”!...

We, as humans, share 97% of our genes with pigs, 70% - with daffodils, I am sure with birds the sharing percentage is somewhere in between, which makes them our ancestral relatives!!
April 15, 2008

"R. & N. Wrote Together”

R: "...so I put my arms around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong,
My eyes are on you and I hope
That you won't hurt me......."
* * * *
N.: “I let your arms to encircle my body,
I trust you will do no wrong.
Search for the truth in my eyes, in my soul -
I am just as scared to be hurt…”
* * * *
R.: "I want to touch you velvet skin
Caressing softly your warmer lips...
Just when I have forgotten to cry
Just now I have no empty hands..."
* * * *
N.:”I feel your kisses on my skin,
Your touches are making me dizzy...
Hands of Love are never empty,
You may cry, my love, from being happy.”
April 29, 2008

"Five-Course Dinner"

My heart, my darling,
This evening
I will serve a five-course dinner:
My love, my feelings, my desire
And maybe more, if I’m inspired!

The course will be sweet and spicy,
Like a middle-eastern exotic drink …
We will look at each other in silence,
Dreaming through a five-course treat.

I will read your life in your eyes
Your needs, your wishes and desires…
No words. Words are useless at times…
* * *
I’m so good at reading souls and minds!...
January 26-27, 2008

“Not Friendly February Day”

Not too windy today, not too cold,
Yet so unfriendly this February day…
…I have seen this dream once before –
Screaming silence, nothing to say...
* * * * *
Looking at night at the vastness beyond,
I am a tiny grain of antimatter,
One careless touch would start a black hole
Of twirling thoughts, forever scattered.
* * * * *
My anger, my aches – beyond this space,
Breaking my heart again and again…
…The weather is gloomy and grey,
It may snow today, it may rain…
* * * *
This cycle, however banal
Is ending right here, right now.
2.17-19.08

“Looking for matching Love, Spirit and Soul”

*************To R.T.

I’ve traveled a lot
Guided by my Soul,
Looking for Love,
My Ultimate goal.

Looking for Spirit
Which is balanced and light,
Looking for Soul
Deep and soft as summer night…

My Soul is searching for its equal,
Deep and poetic as bottomless lake…
My Love is longing to find its match,
To fall in love. Just once again…
****************************
I am looking for Love and Spirit and Soul
To please and to match my own.
April 26, 2008

“Kisses”

***************To R.T.

We kiss on the lips a Lover,
We kiss on the forehead the Dead,
We kiss on the cheek a child,
And where would one kiss a Friend?

I wouldn’t kiss you at all, my dear,
I would hold and squeeze you hand…
You are the freshest breath of air,
You have inspired me. Again.
April 28, 2008

“Tesoro mio”

*****************To R.T.
"You are a Creator when you create a poem,
You become an Angel with soft, white wings,
You become a child, pure and innocent,
You are in Heaven and cannot be reached...

Whether your verse’s for your eyes alone,
Whether for countless eyes to read –
You have captured my heart and my soul,
When we’re gone, our souls would live.

You are far but nothing is “far” for the soul,
I am always with you holding your hand,
Not sea, nor mountains would separate two souls,
They are the rays of sun after the sunset...
April 29, 2008

“The Opposites”

"Day and night,
Black and white,
Heaven and hell,
Freedom and cell,
Living and Dead,
Cursed and blessed,
Wanted, rejected,
Mistaken, corrected,
Useless and handy,
Tasteless and trendy....
So on and so forth,
As before as henceforth.

Fortunes are found,
Wasted and lost.
Some – moving backwards
Some – moving forth.

Immoral or decent,
Cheater or cheated,
Some are the winners,
While others – defeated.

What kind of a place
Is the world we live in?
Is it God’s joke
Or …punishment?

I have lost, I have found,
I’ve misplaced many times...
Tell me, where art thou
And where am I?

I have sensed you are near
But the joke is such
I can see, I can hear you
…from the opposite side...

The whole of the world
Lives in opposite halves:
What lies underneath
Is reflected above.
****
In pain we were born,
In pain we will die.
Whatever the question,
No answer in sight..."
January 21, 2008

“My Portrait by Jean Baptiste Gregoir”

"At times, it seems strange
That by reading your words
Sent from half-world away,
I could “hear” your voice.

I could only imagine
The way you sit
And cross your legs,
The way you speak,
Slowly and softly,
Searching in my eyes
Between the words
And making long pauses.

It is an absolute need,
An ultimate desire
To hold you in my arms
Each hour of the day,
Each minute of the night,
Drunken from love…

To whisper my dreams
Gently in your ear,
To kiss your cheek
And smell your hair…

You seem so inviting, yet distant…
I’m searching for love in your heart,
I am kissing your delicate fingers,
I think I am falling in love…"
April 23, 2008

“Sad Evening”

When we met for coffee one evening
You said I was gloomy and sad –
Sad I was as there were no feelings,
I wanted to leave; I was boring and flat…

I didn’t want you to like me,
That evening was a wicked dream…
I was sad as there were no feelings –
Please forget me and …forgive.
March 6, 2008

“If only once I had a chance"

If only once I had a chance
To take it back or to reclaim
Words which flew away too fast,
Promises that were half-meant…

If only once I had that chance
To unkiss the ones I didn’t love,
Not making love out of lust
But only when in love…

If only I had courage,
If only I was brave
To speak my mind right then and there
And not to walk away.
* * *
Chances were and will always be there,
Do not blame, do not hurry things,
Never pity yourself, don’t despair,
Compassion more kindness brings.
April 6 – 13, 2008

Natalie in Riverdale